honeypig26:

nevver:

Illogical

"Penetrate me, Vladimir!" Spock moaned erotically. "Penetrate me with your magic hornnnnn, you horny slut!"
They had met at comic-con four years ago, and their love affair was more intense than ever. Here they were, making sweet Trekkie love in the clouds of the interstellar quadrant of the Rainbow Galaxy.
"Fuck me at warp speed, Captain Spock!” Vladimir neighed. He was so close. So close. Sweat dripped down Spock’s forehead. He vulcan pinched Vladimir’s sweet pegasus ass. He logically knew that was what Vladdy liked; after all the pleasure nerve was located in the pegasus hind-quarters.
"Fuck me up, Scotty!" Spock moaned.
"Eughhh! EUGHHHH!" screamed Vladimir in pleasure. he came glitter in Spock’s perfect Vulcan composed face. They cuddled and then ate turkey-rye sandwiches for the rest of the afternoon. They had gone where no vulcan/pegasus had cum before.
honeypig26:

loiswrites:

tonywin:

Insomnia

He began to sweat nervously as the miniature sheep began crawling all over his bed. He couldn’t sleep. He never could sleep. The sheep always came out when he was trying to sleep. Nibbling on his hair. Lapping up the sweat that ran down his forehead. He was their shepherd and he could never leave them.
His alarm would ring but he could not go to work. Someone would knock on the door and he couldn’t answer. These were his sheep and it was his duty to take care of them.

The monkeys in the other room were not quite as  happy about this. They were also members of the miniature zoo after all. Those pesky sheep were abusing their power over the zookeeper. When the zookeeper could not sleep, then he could not attend to his zookeeper duties.
The monkeys made their war plans. They would attack the sheep at midnight. They coordinated with the menagerie; the parrots would squawk, thus distracting the sheep. Sheep hate parrots, everyone knows that. Then the monkeys would ride in on the miniature zebras and slaughter every last sheep.
The monkeys would kill one sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four sheep, five sheep, yawn, six sheep, yawn, seven sheep, eight…sheep, nine…sh..eep…tennnnnn….The monkeys fell asleep while planning their attack and the zookeeper continued to suffer from insomnia.
feeder-of-eagles:

honeypig26:

feeder-of-eagles:

fuckyeahillustrativeart:

by Vinicius Capiotti
Follow him on Tumblr!

It was Vince’s first summoning. 
They honestly hadn’t expected anything to happen, really. They only came because John insisted, and he really seemed to believe this stuff and you know, when you get caught up in someone you get caught up in their interests at well. But Vince never really believed it, no matter how much John talked at them and explained to them, and they honestly tried to be interested but it just wasn’t their thing.
So when John, excited as always, said it was time for their first summoning, Vince went along with it. John told them to bring candles, rope and “an anchor,” which he explained as something of emotional value to “anchor him to this plain.” So Vince showed up at John’s place, 20 minutes before midnight, carrying a bag full of tea candles, yarn, and their grandmother’s locket. The apartment was, as always, messy. Full of posters and books and the smell of cats, but this time a space in the floor cleared, and John’s “alter” as he called it, newly organized. John wore a velvet cloak, and Vince wore his date-night shirt and tie. 
"Are you ready?" John asked, his face somber and a twinge of excitement in his voice. 
"Yep!" said Vince. 
"Cool."

At first nothing seemed to happen. Awkward. Vince felt bad for John; this must be embarrassing for the poor guy. But then Mr. Muffins began to hiss at the altar, back scrunched up in discomfort. A low, bubbling blrablarbbbarbablrllbr sound emerged from a seemingly long distance.Then BAM! Out of the ceremonial goblet popped—literally popped—an eyeball."Oh." Was all that Vince could muster in response.
John was delighted. “Helloooooo Spirit of the Other World! How are you?  My name is John Wimbledon, and this is my partner Vince Casabalanca and we are very pleased to meet you. What would your name be, good spirit?”
"Blargablarbabarerd," the eyeball bubbled in response.
"You want us to join you on a trip to the Other World??" John shrieked delightedly.
Vince blinked. What? Hmmm, they hadn’t really planned on leaving their dimension today.
"We would be delighted to take a trip to the Other World with you, Lord Eyeball of the Eyeball Kingdom. Right baby?”
Oh jeez, this was really important for John, wasn’t it? "Um, yeah sure."
"Blarbarabbbeleld," bubbled the eyeball.
John grabbed Vince’s hand. “Take a deep breath, honey, this might be slightly strange feeling for a first-timer.”

The echoes of the slow grinding of the universe and a buzz like a thousand muffled screaming voices and a million bees the size of the universe howled in Vince’s ear. But all they could notice was that John was holding their hand. 
With a jarring flash of darkness they found themselves in what appeared to be a giant citadel, reaching higher then mountains. And around them were several dozens of eyeballs. Not like, eye-ball aliens or anything. Just eyeballs. Honestly it was more gross then terrifying.
They spent that evening talking with the eyeballs, John translating. I turned out life in the Eyeball Kingdon was not that different from human life. Just a bit squishier. After a couple of hours, they had to say goodbye.
And again, a terrible roaring and a terrible rending of realities, but still they were holding hands.
And back in John’s apartment. 
geebies05:

fairytalenuggets:

isabienne:

Spirits by *GorosArt

My mother once told me'Bout under my bedHow there were no monstersThey lived in my head
But I thought her wrongSo one day I leftTook a small raft offshoreWith a small dog named Cleft
He was my companionNever left my sideSo along with he cameOn my dangerous ride
We came to an islandHeard soft cries and screamsThey watched us hit landTheir eyes like bad dreams
Cleft and I found forestAt the center bright greenThat’s when they came outBut expressions weren’t mean
"Why have you come?"They asked us politely"We’re looking for monsters"I said rather slightly
They laughed at this newsTook us in their armsWalked back to the beachThey laid us no harm
They kissed us goodbyePushed our small raft awayBack to homeland we floatIt’s been an odd day

The creaking and cracking of twigs under feet was all little Erica could think about. Never before had she ventured out into the wild on her own. With parents who watched every minor step she took to every pencil stroke on her homework she couldn’t do anything. Erica is seven and has been home-schooled since the beginning, she never cared enough to ask why she didn’t go outside or why she didn’t have friends because honestly she didn’t know about any of those things.
Where Erica lived there were child-eating monsters who lurked in the forest and woods waiting for a dumb little kids to wander off or a dramatic heartbroken teenage girl attempting to runaway, but Erica knew nothing of this. Never once did Erica consider opening the mysterious thing called a front door until today.
"God so help me" said Erica as she stepped outside.
When she first looked around the corner of her boxed house, she ran ducking under windows even though you cant even see outside because that’s a sin, so her mother said. Erica brought Sparky along for protection. To a seven year old Sparky may be some type of protection but a Chihuahua can’t do much damage.
Erica heard voices and ran into the forest in front of her house to hide, but that was the wrong idea for hiding. The sound of twigs breaking startled Erica and she turned around scared to death. The thing about monsters was only an illusion, there were no monsters in fact, the only monsters in the forest were the lost children who were trying to get away from the lies and hate that was surrounding them at the place they once called home.
nevver:

Illogical
fairytalenuggets:

feeder-of-eagles:

honeypig26:

"Hahahaha!" he laughed, full of laughter.
"Hahahaha!" She chortled chortously.
"I am so happy my darling," he said happily.
"I am so full of mirth," she laughed mirthfully.
"Never has my joy been more great, now that we are married!" he said joyously.
"Indeed, my love. How blessed a day it was when we first met! You a human, me a centaur. But now that you have allowed me to turn you into a centaur as well, my father finally blessed our marriage!" She began to cry from the joy, her joyous joy was so overwhelmingly joyous.
"Yes, my sweet. Ever since I laid eyes on you, I knew that I had to have you, no matter what it cost. I was even willing to lose my humanity for you. I am so bewitched by your beauty and the illogical way in which you wedding dress melds into your torso."
"Now we must consummate our marriage, my love" She threw her bouquet into the sea sensuously.
"Yesssssss! Finally!! Aww yeah, my drinking buddies will be so stoked to hear about how this works. So like, do I mount you, or like do we do it, like, uhhh ‘horsey-style’? Heh heh, this is gonna be so frickin’ sweet…"
"Whatever are you talking about, my beloved? We consummate the marriage by drowning in the ocean together!!!""We—wait, what?"
"We will be partners in love forever, in the lands of centaur heaven! Our bodies will decompose in the frothy sea waters for all of eternity! We will swim toward the sunset until our muscles give way and we surrender our souls to Poseidon!"
"uuuhhhhhhh….."
"Come my love! Let us consummate our marriage vows in our watery graves, in our sea-beds of love, in our…my love? Where are you going? Why are you running away??"
In that moment, Chase knew that he had made a huge mistake. How would he ever reverse the spell that had taken away his human legs, and more importantly, human penis?!

"My love!" Euphemia called after him. "Where are you going? Why? Why are you doing this?"
Chase was terrified. He had to think of something quick. 
"Oh, I uh… I have a secret confession to make…." he said, slowing down.
"Oh Chase, what is it? You know you can tell me anything!" 
"I… aaamm… uh.." He searched his mind frantically for a way out. "I’mmm not actually a centaur…?"
"But Chase!" Euphemia cried, gazing into his eyes, rather dramatically. "You are a centaur! I mean. You’re half horse!”
"Yes, it does seem like that, doesn’t it? But you see I’m actually a uh… mule-taur. I’m half donkey-taur. Yeah, that’s what it is."
"Oh Chase!" Euphemia cried and gazed some more. "Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I still love you, no matter what. I’ll still go with you to centaur heaven!" She threw herself against his chest.
"Y’see that’s where the problem is." He said, backing away. "Mules don’t go to centaur heaven. Soooo….."

Euphemia took him by the collar, a wild horse-crazed look in her eyes.
“We. Are married.”
"Uh, yeah, I know. But that still doesn’t mean that I can go to centaur heaven."
"It’s a very accepting place," his wife replied. 
An awkward pause."Baby, no."
"YES! YES DAMNIT!!"Keeping hold of his collar, she began to sprint down the beach at a gallop. Chase had no choice but to keep up.
"WE ARE GOING TO CONSUMMATE THIS MARRIAGE. AND YOU ARE GOING TO CENTAUR HEAVEN WITH ME!" she screamed as they galloped side-by-side, parallel to the water.
"MAYBE WE SHOULD RETHINK THI-"
'CONSUMMAAAAAAAATE!!!!!” she centaur woman screeched, and they swerved to the right and into the water, plunging deeper and deeper until neither recently-hitched mythical creature could be seen or heard.
honeypig26:

fairytalenuggets:

jamesjeanart:

SKRWL. Acrylic on Paper & Digital, 10 x 12” each panel, 2009.

"So there’s this orphanage, yeah, and there’re all these kids in it," the man began from across the small table. I looked away and down at my drink, a small macchiato contained in a white teacup. I wasn’t ready for this. He continued on anyway."But these kids, they like, have superpowers…or something," pausing to take a sip from his own espresso. I looked up. This wasn’t going to end soon."Oh yeah?""Yeah! A home I guess, for misfit kids. The Misfits, but way younger. But their powers are wicked fucked up.”"How so?""I made a list!" He reached down towards his bag and pulled out a new leather moleskine, its corners unbent and cover spotless. I watched as he gently laid it out on the table and flipped through the two pages he had written in. The back pocket had grown fatter and fatter with old photos he had collected during the last three months. "Okay, so how do these sound: Flying girl?""Eh.""Eh?""Yeah." I looked over at the cafe counter again, seeing if the barista would be willing to make more flirtatious eye contact. She was gone."Well, what about…a floating girl?""Sure, I guess that works." I took another sip."Okay, cool…Bees?""Bees?""Totally!""How?""Um…a boy, made out of bees?""What?"He looked down, “Okay yeah I guess that’s stupid.”"Well, I mean, you could work off that." He had peaked my interest at this point, "What if…what if there were bees inside him?"He thought about it."Maybe."His pen circled the second item on the list; he wrote a side note on it.I looked at him as he wrote. I wanted to leave, but I knew it would be rude. I leaned back into my chair."I dunno, just a thought.""Sure," he replied.I wished the cute barista would have returned.

Our brainstorming session for the new comic book line did not end well. The man had stormed out angrily, accusing all “corporate hacks” like me of squelching artistic freedom. Well sorry, buddy, but I got a board of directors to impress and the last thing that they need is another comic book about mutant power kids. The customer wants cool superheroes, not frickin bee children. I savored the last of my coffee and finished composing an email to my boss. Sorry George, but this guy is off his rocker and totally unprofessional. Let’s see what that guy from Philly has to offer.  I stood up to leave and noticed the moleskin book on his chair. Apparently the nutty author had forgotten his most prized idea-notebook in his anger. I’d have it mailed to him the next day. I stuffed the book in my trendy leather side satchel. Finally at home, I threw the satchel on my bedroom floor, took a shower, and collapsed into bed.My dreams were interrupted with an intense bzzzing sound in my ear. What time was it?? 1am? What? Disoriented, I turned on my lamp. My dropped.My bedroom was filled with bees. Thousands upon thousands of bees. The droning buzzing hurt my eardrums. They were crawling under my pajamas, down my trousers, through my curly hair.  Frozen. I didn’t dare move. I closed my mouth to avoid letting them in there. My eyes darted furtively, desperately for an exit.There. I noticed a little girl standing across the room, buried in the back of my closet."Hello thief. You are not my creator. Why is it that you have my creator’s book? You will answer all of my questions honestly or else my brothers will sting you into oblivion."I silently nodded, too scared to breathe.